life is walking alone holding others hands..

its been a very long time since i posted anything in my blog.. and i have decided to share myself with the world through my blog frequently from now.. life has changed a lot since the last time i blogged.. but i keep getting closer with my loneliness and i think its become my life style to be like that.. but its not hard to be lonely.. i get to see life move around me with my own perception and i feel its something beautiful and in the same time its not beautiful.. sometimes i wonder why is this menace called life was created from the powerful source which put into motion everything in this universe.. whats the purpose of creation and destruction.. when we think we are matured enough to understand spirituality we see our loved ones suffering with pain.. or we see others die.. then whats the use of this cycle of life and death.. is the creator a psyche to prick us on our wounded hearts to watch us cry and suffer while he doesn't care a fuck about or are we in a illusion that we are created from something more powerful than us.. is everything a kind of a truman show??????????.. when will i find the answer.. LIFE IS JUST A FUCKED UP SHIT.. BUT ITS A BEAUTIFUL FUCK SOMETIMES..